the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
