I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
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