Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
