The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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