Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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