i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
lets start a swedish sibling band together
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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