My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
