your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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