So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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