is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
