I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
