she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize