fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
