I wannas sexs uuuuu
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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