Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
