How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
