Non-Jews are for practice
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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