she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
