Don't make out with my wife yet
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
