I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
