I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
