Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize