he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
