K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
