My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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