so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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