So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
