I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
