I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
