lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
