Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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