i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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