dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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