Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
