you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize