Don't you send me to vm
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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