I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want to make a zoo with you.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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