You're earring is so big in my mouth
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
