The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
