I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
