The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
