Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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