4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
