I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Mom said you looked used
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize