This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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