Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
My vagina just clenched in fear
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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