I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
