So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Randomize
