Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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