It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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