She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
