then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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