Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
