so that wasnt chicken after all
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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