yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
