Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
