I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
