both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
