Have you finally orgasmed yet?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
