when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Operation Purity has been aborted
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
