it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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