If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
