I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
