mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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