whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
