I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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