when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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