Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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