pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
