I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
