WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
People in love make me want to vomit
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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