My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
