Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
