I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
