haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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