Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
