We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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