There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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