I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
