Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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