I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We left an ass print on the piano.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
