I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
